Ideas for Orifices

I was thinking about makeup the other day. Since I fell in love with Adam Ant I've never been satisfied with conventional makeup, and honestly I find conventional ideas of beauty oppressive and boring.

Recently I pondered "what is makeup"? In the moment or two I gave to this question I decided that it's the accentuation of features, orifices in particular, ex. eyes & mouth. Given that, why should I be limited to the traditional orifices?

So yesterday, during my daily avoidance of housewife duties, I trounced the traditional rules of orifice accentuation. (Actually there's been a revolution on the home front, I have decided to toss the term "housewife" and go with "houseloiterer". Not only is it more truthful, it takes the pressure off. I'm sure the hub will be in full support.)

1. After a subtle complexion refining makeup application I outlined my nostrils with a lovely Tiffany blue makeup pencil. The result was both elegant and challenging.

2. I realized that my bellybutton is an orifice. My bellybutton has always made me laugh, the only body manipulation I ever considered was having my bellybutton cosmetically removed. I thought it would be funny and I was in a punk rock "I'm not a part of this f**ked up world!" stage. So I took out my trusty Coco Red lipstick and lined my bellybutton with it. It was unexpectedly shocking, especially since I'm about as tan as whole milk. It looked overly sexual and yet disturbing like a gash, in other words, perfect!

I'll post pictures of my innovations as soon as I can wrestle the camera from my husband.

I think I just saved the environment

I grew up in Marin where we'd have a drought every couple of years that was so bad we'd be forced to choose between showering or flushing, so I'm always thinking green. And I love trees so I worry about them being used up. It's a problem I've been trying to solve and I think I may have just done it:

What is one material that there seems to be an endless supply of, that is absorbent, strong, and reusable? Cotton underwear. (I bet you guessed that).

All the time I walk into thrift stores and see used undies for sale. Now, I personally object to the purchase of used undies for the purpose of wearing BUT what about using them for hand towels instead of paper? Or how about stiffening them up and using them to write on? With just the right amount of starch they could easily go through a printer. As toilet paper, they could be washed, bleached and used again. And remember those old hand drying towels that were one continuous sheet of cotton, and you pulled on it to get a clean patch? It would be so easy to sew a bunch of pairs of discarded tightie-whities together to be used in the exact same way. Hell, the stretchy waste band would make them perfect toilet seat covers.

It might sound weird, but you're going to have to get ready to embrace new ideas. Saving our environment is going to take some truly "out of the box" (or out of the boxer) thinking.